


The Blood Gulch Club

by writingtooes



Category: Red vs. Blue, The Bible (TV 2013), Waiting For God
Genre: Anal Sex, Attempted Seduction, Brother/Brother Incest, Child Abuse, Crack, Drugs, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Food Porn, Friends With Benefits, Gay Bar, Gay Sex, Heavy Drinking, M/M, Male Slash, Other, Parent/Child Incest, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn Video, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Trans Character, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-18 09:33:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21508906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingtooes/pseuds/writingtooes
Summary: Donut is a fucking stripper and gets the entire cast prenetete
Relationships: Agent North Dakota/Agent York (Red vs. Blue), Agent Washington/Agent York (Red vs. Blue), Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons, Felix | Isaac Gates/Locus | Samuel Ortez, Franklin Delano Donut & Sarge, Michael J. Caboose/Sarge
Comments: 12
Kudos: 15





	1. Fuck Berries

Things were getting spicy in the Blood Gulch Club. Franklin delano donut is a 38 year old stripper. He goes by Donut because his very hot and totally legal mother disapproves of his profession 😔

His mother, Yorkshire Terrier really fucking hates Donut and filed for divorce with his husband Washingtub. Washy also despises Donut’s holes. They kicked out Donut when he was 69 months old, forcing him to seek refuge in an orphanage. There he met this man who has been there for 80 years, but refuses to leave. He goes by the name Sarge, but everyone ignores that and calls him delusional twatwaffle anyways. 

This made Sarge really depressed so he opened a strip club by the name of Blood Gulch Club. Since it was built on Blood Gulch Avenue- Sarge has dislexceea. He forced his two sons, Simmons and Grif to work there. He demoted Simmons to janitor because Simmons wouldn’t stop putting his peeny weeny inside of Grif’s vagina. The two would often make out and do gay incest shit on the bar, and knocking over drinks. Some people even joined in with shoving their magnum dongs inside of Simmons’s smelly asshole.

Simmons really enjoyed anal so he was fine with it. Grif, on the other hand, got jealous because nobody wants to stick their flaccid penis inside of his own asshole. So he decided he wanted to work the bar. It was a good compromise since Sarge was sick of seeing gay shit in his elegant 6 star strip club. However Donut was alright with his job as the main stripper, because he was the oblyof stripper. 

However even with their amazing staff, the Blood Gulch Club didn't have many attendees. Only 17 per week which is terrible compared to Commandle which has over 60 million per week. Worst thing is Commandle across the street next to a McDonalds managed by a dumbass named Coconut or some shit. So the Blood Gulch Club has been losing customers because every fat ass in the country wants McDonald’s before they get laidl. Fucking degenerates like that belong on a cross. Or, in this case, getting their asses plowed into next Tuesday by some greasy man’s peepee.

Nonetheless, Donut’s holes were quite popular with the regulars. I mean sure, he may be the only stripper Sarge’s broke, yet extremely hot, ass could afford, but he was pretty good. Just seeing that man perform? Instant orgasm. This was the case with most customers, leaving a gooey sticky mess for Simmons to clean up. Every. Day. except for Sundays, Sundays are for the Lord

The Blood Gulch club was more active than usual. Sarge was aware of this sudden increase. 

“Those dirtbags finally realized that our strip club is superior to Commandle!” Sarge screamed, like a fucking grandfather on heroine. 

Simmons gave the twatwaffle a side glance and sighed, “Which results in more cleaning up. Do you know how many people have a piss fetish? Jesus Christ. I think I almost had an aneurysm,” the maroon dumbass complained, aggressively jabbing his mop at Grif’s bootyhole.

“HARDER PAPI!” Came Grif’s reply, his cat eyes twitching as he moaned. He was then bent over the bar as Simmons continued to fist the shit out of Grif’s asshole with the greasy and disgusting mop. Literally, and figuratively.

Locus’s gaze trailed over to where the two were having some sort of fucking aneurysm by the looks of it.

“They’re having gay sex again,” Locus noted, turning over to Felix who had his pants unzipped and was jerking off, his eyes looming on the pair. Letting out a groan, Locus spoke, “I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”

Like he was fucking Sonic, Felix ran over and inserted his microscopic penis inside of Simmons’s owo.

“FUCK YEAH IT’S HORNY TIME!” Felix screamed like a mad lad as he bottomed out and began thrusting into his hairy asshole.  
Señor Lopez, the health inspector walked in to this scene playing out "Porqué?" he asked as he left the facility. This mf will not fail No Nut November. Mass respect to this dude. Go follow his Instagram account @xXIts_Lopez_PrivitoXx

Suddenly, Grif grabbed the mop and pulled it out of his asshole. He then yanked Simmons off of Felix’s penis, “Get your 🅱enis out of 🅱aby 🅱oy’s 🅱ole,” he sternly said, and grabbed a plunger from the air and stuck it on Felix’s little weeny, “haha, 🅱uck it 🅱elix.”

Grif then flipped Simmons over and wrapped his tail (which is seven feet long) around the maroon dude’s throat. This fucking chocked Simmons, but because nobody has sanity or any dignity, this turned the cunt nugget on.

“OH YES DADDY!!!” Simmons moaned, slamming his head down onto the bar table so hard that he fell unconscious. 

Grifster saw this as his chance to shine!! He then you i good the no ued Simmons’s asshole, and plummeted his very very very very very very very very big dong into it.

It looked like a scene in a porn movie, and it was. Church had set up his recording equipment and started recording the scene so that he could upload it to his two subscribers on YouTube. He was so happy that he got this opportunity that he almost bust a nut,,, but he had to contain his urges……..

Meanwhile,,,

Rat Man actually got even more turned on with his pp being stuck in the plunger, causing it to grow by 0.01 cm. That’s quite an improvement. You might even be able to feel it poking your asshole now. “AH~~~~! F@$T3R L0CU$!!!!!1!!!1!!!!” The literal lobotomite moaned, placing his hand on the plunger and jacking himself off.

Locus saw this and pulled out his gun and shot Felix’s peeny weeny a few dozen times. It grew flaccid and did the dieded. 

After that Felix fucking exploded because he committed the greatest sin of all..

He failed No Nut November.

After losing a security member, Sarge decided to close the club for the rest of the week. To let the staff grieve. The staff that consisted of people who wanted Felix dead, but a couple days off never hurt anybody


	2. Cum Slut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new rookie just joined the club, who can it be?

It’s been 53 days since the staff took their break. During that time sarge won $100k through the lottery. Rather than setting aside that cash Sarge put each penny into the club. I say it was spent very wisely. Instead of having just one janitor, they now have two. Yes, Sarge spent $100k to hire one more janitor. The amount of complaints that too much piss was on the floor were too annoying. And the mc donalds threatened to call mcfucking health departmemy again. They dont want that mexican fuck ever coming back, they cant even understand him. For all they know he could be a terrorist

“Alright, cum slut,” Sarge started, his glare concentrated on his failure-of-a-child Simmons, “we’ve got another staff willing to work here. I need you to show her all of the stuff she's gotta do, how to do it, and where to do it”

“Wh-” Simmons gave Sargesan a ‘bitch-what-the-fuck’ look, but Sarge didn’t see it because Simmons has a fucking military grade helmet on. He got it for his miliary fetish. Way to go, dickhead.

Simmons glared at his daddy then walked to the main room where Simmons saw the new recruit leaning against the center stage. “What’s poppin bimbo, my name is probably Simmons," Simmons said, then Simmons looked at the new recruit, "so, what’s your name?" Simmons asked her.

"Carolina," she responded. Simmons was surprised. Simmons didn't expect her to be an advanced Karen.

"Carolina, that's a nice name," Simmons paused, "Why are you working here" Simmons asked

"My dad neglects me," Carolina started, causing the maroon armor fucktard to sigh and fall asleep, "he films videos here. I came to get attached to him since my biological dad commited suicide after my mother drowned. He's all I have. Because if you offer your whole self to the world they’ll stare in awe for your incredibale sewing skills, simmons! Our dog has been dead for about 2 years now and I don't know what to do. Now that he puts mustard on his sandwiches feel as if I'm losing a part of myself—I need him back. The Satanists holds our wrongdoings against us and eventually our past will make up for lost time to us and devastate our business! jesus will eat your fears. I hope having eye contact with him everyday strengthens our relationship because Jesus will remind him that homosexuality isn't a sin. The matter of fact is that we must consitraite on eliminating the problem at hand.”

"Cool beans" Simmons responded, having not listened to any shit she said. He zoned out to images of his brother instead of being a functioning human fucking being.

“Have you heard of our lord and savior Jesus?” Carolina asked, pulling a bible out of her assvagtiddyhole, “he has helped me through my miserable life so much. I’m a single mother with three hundred unvaccinated children who are the light of my life. They’re such little angels. Would you mind babysitting them for me sometime?”

Before Simmons could reply the teal bitch continued, “Oh! Would you like to see them?”

“No-”

Carolina pulled another thing out of her humongous ass: a photograph. Simmons leaned forward to look at it. The three hundred fifty three “angels” in the picture all had rotting flesh and appeared to not have ever taken a bath, “Water turns children into queers. I'm not against it, I just don't want my children to be faggots," she paused" Don’t you see? They’re-”

Gaymonss's wackie tackie then rang static. Instinctively he raised it to his mouth much like other things. "What was that, over?"

Simmons was cut off by Karenlina, "Excuse me,,, I was talking,” she scoffed once Simmons refused to acknowledge her, “of course a degenerate male would interrupt a strong Scorpio woman such as myself.” She continued ranting as Simboyance turned around and walked out of the room. Stepping slowly to not upset the momzilla.

Eventually he made it to their one peepee place: the bathroom. He sat down at the corner closest to the door. He raised his knees and the communication device up to his chest. "Hello?" He whispered.

"MY DICK SLIPPED INTO A LOBSTER" Simmons can only assume that was Grif. I mean, who would be stupid enough to do something like that? Use lube you dumbass.

Suddenly Simmons heard the bathroom door open. "Simmons?" an unmistakable voice talked, causing Simmons to swivel his head around, "we need you out back. Also Stop coming here to jerk off, it's wierd and its gross hearing you moan while i'm trying to take a shit" Do nut stated

“Uh let's go” Simmons stood up and began walking with Dounut to the back room.  
Donut started, "Sarge thought it would be a good idea to buy a lobster tank"

"Why?" Simmons wondered out loud.

"Because aesthetic, thats why" Donut responded, "the delivery man purposely dropped the container though.. because Grif tried to take his pants off. Anyways we need to pick them all up now" Donut finished as they arrived to their destination.

The scene displayed in front of them had Donut gagging. And he rarely does

Grif had his rod consumed in that larry lobster coochie. “Leave some space for Jesus” Sarge yelled from the table he was on. Pussy.

Ignorant of the other crusty crushstaions surrounding him, Grif responeded with an “OK”. One lobster launched towards him at sonic speeds. In a swift anime battle scene it utilized its crusher claw to cut Grif's gigantic wee wee clean off , the blood gushing enabling the penetrated lobster to escape with the penis still attached.

The rest of the crustaions instantly pursued. With the last one slithering away Grif murmured through shock "It took my pp,".

With tears obscuring his vision he gazed toward Sarge, "my son" he wept

“I must get him back! I have to”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vacseens cause autsism


	3. chopter threth; quest of de stolen watetergun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grif begins his quest for the stolen watergun

Donut noticed how Grif hasn't arrived to work in a couple days. This may be Donut's show but this is Grif's episode. After Decter's scene he crawed his way back home. And home consists of a shoe box and a flash light. Ever since then greif was has greving his greifed baby maker. Constantly having nightmares, remembering what happened that fateful day.

His tear stained eyes shot open as the dicked lobster crawled away. "It took my pp". It took his son. Ever since then Geoff hasn't been himself.  
And in the end all Dexter wants to do is sleep. And hoepe he wakes up with his beloved member.

At last miracles don't exist

Depper wokes up. He won't feel sorry for himself anymore. Hes done with this self loathing.   
Hes gonna find his length. If its the last thing he does. Rolling his way over to the blood gulch club. Detective time. He walked like a fucking peigin to the back room

"Crime seen baby-"

"GR E E E EDFF" the gayish high voiced manboy person gretted him

"Dont talk to me"  
:(

Didi's brother continued his investigation. The lobster slavery box was no where to be seen. Sarge probably was too much of a piss baby to get new lobsters, of course he is look at him. So following the original gangsta lobsters was out of the question…

Maybe follow new lobsters

He thought to himself. 

Yes that is a sexy idea

Do they have a mating call? Lets find out  
Grif tried lots of noises. But anything with the letter :O made the ground shake  
Pow? Maybe they like vore

"Pow pow pow" he wispered. "Pow pow pow" his voice got louder. Suddnely, a loud boom shook the room. Lobsters of all shapes and sizes flooded into the room. 👁👄👁 "Now is my time" Grif said out loud. He did some Naruto shit and twisted his arm around the largest lobster like squidward did to spongebob that one time.   
The lobster was startled, and it flipped and flipped and flipped and flipped out of the room, with Dessert still attached.

"Pow pow" said the lobster, it was probably saying "ya facking cant, how could ya do this".  
Nvm yes it was saying that. The lobster fuck it lets name it Earth 2.0

Earth 2.0 jumped and clawed, desperate to get the fatass off its lobsterself. Grif stayed on the same way he rides simmons- screaming and crying. The way they bent and flipped would make any gymnast jealous. Earth 2.o had to get away, this monster looks exactly how it's neighbor's dog's girlfriend brother's God father's doctor's nurse's niece's grandmother described the lobster molester. A big Hawaiian who smells like sweaty cheese. Ok rude

Grif felt a large pressure on his tiddies.  
And Then Suddenly Everything Went White

What?

Gidd just felt his boobs. And he had his eyes closed, hes color blind. Just like his bio sister-

Wait

What if she wasn't his biological sister? What if theyre not even related

What if grif is his sister

Oh shit hes tripping.What kind of fucking drug is this- it smells like dick. As grif realized the sent, he looked around. Penis shaped trees and penis shaped clouds. Dick this dick that. And fouly shaped flowers and…cockroaches. Dexter was laying on a rock covered with prosthetic members, right next to a pre cum river… he read a sign titled PP land ":O" said Grif.

"How did you say that with your mouth? 

"New phone who dis"

"Dont you know how to great an old friend"

"Stfu sans"  
The two bickered until grif had enough. He stod up (shocking) and turnef around

"😳😩👄💦👄🤙😡🤢👌 FELOX" he screamed as he clinged on the taller man. Frif is like 3 feet tall. 

"Pls be in my guts" asked grieve

"Ok" bill gates responded in a sexy ass alpha top dom knife play voice

He threw grif like a chair and broke his neck  
"My bad i have hurty kink" said Felix as grif coughed blood. 👀😡💦👌 said grif

Theta then comes into the room  
"Hi can you help me find my daddy"  
"No but i can give you a new one ;)"

Wait no we can't rite that  
Ok

“Suckle on my knob like a corn on the cob” siad isack gates. Grif couldnt respond as he was bleeidng to death. Felix took his 1 inch pp and put it on the tip of grifsd tounge. “Do you like my thick coke” sai d felix “no im diabetic” said grif, he was cut off by “hgduahvdhb” monaed grif. The seen was so arousing

“Ok well we do the sex” horny mc fuckface frlix said and 😳😳😳 he grabbed griftste tiddy . girf is really into boob play

“**cries** i don’t have a pp!2!1!1!2” grif shreiekd and started to cry since felix triggered his ptsd

“W” 

“Ok come here we go find my weeweer” grii told him, and flex tape agreed since he doesn’t have anything better to do

So they left the area and started singing the my little pony theme song as they went around looking in dumpsters and stuff. They found all types of,,,,,, objects that could replace grif's oui oui. 

However he didnt like any one, for you see grif is was circumcised and there was a "G" cut in hid foreskin yes that's what circumcision means

“We could use a roll of toilet pape” felix suggested

“No those are too expensien” grif said L8 “i sosrn all of my money on vbucks yesterday “

“That’s fair”

So they icntinued to looks for grif’s little baby, when suddenly, a red flash appears before them

“Oh mah god whazzat”

And them some anime battle music started playing  
Pow pow Followed by a sick ass guitar solo

Oh no

Grid paper looked up in horror as he saw it.  
The penetrated lobster from 3 hours ago. Its lobster coochie still containing grif's beloved. "THAT ONE" screamed grif! Finally after all this time.

"Ok fatass" resposned Felix and he ran towarrs the floating lobster. He jumped on a sick rock but slipped and,, yeah. So noe its up to grix. He rand and jumped yes he got a hold of the pp, but his hand was slipping he must act fast. He gave the lobster a big ol kiss on the lips and the lobster relaxed its um.. Lobsgina. 

He fell to the ground and everything went black.

I can't fucking write this anymore I'm at my god damn limit i thought this was funny no this is stressful i hate my sinful hands this truly the worst thing I have ever written i hate myself i despise my existence i can't do this anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tested positive for hiv

**Author's Note:**

> you have big dick energy for reading this


End file.
